Smile on, pass it on

I'm a generally optimistic person despite my sardonic disposition. I would say this only because most people around me tend to be rather negative and unhappy when I find that they should be a little more grateful for the things they have and the people they have in their lives. My boss actually said I was a pragmatist the other day. I don't really see the glass as half empty or half full, but I know it's evaporating so you better find a way to fill it up, and enjoy every sip you take.

So when I occasionally hit a bout of depression, which doesn't happen often, it really kind of spirals. It's like I'm wading through the pool of life, and a barbed tentacle darts out from the deep and wraps around my leg pulling me down. And I'm in pain, and I can't breathe, and I keep getting pulled down and down.

Yikes! Call the suicide hotline! No, but I always lift up out of it after awhile.

Yesterday, though, I was innocently tooling around on YouTube when I decided to look up this song called "Ana's Song (Open Fire)" by a '90s grunge band called Silverchair, which is fronted by this super cutie named Daniel Johns. It's a sort of unique song in that there's a key change right when the chorus comes in, and it comes in kind of off the beat, and it's just an epic, beautiful song.

I looked up the lyrics and tried to find out what the song was about, and it turns out it's about the singer's bout with anorexia (ana = anorexia). I'd always thought young Daniel looked a bit gaunt, and here was the reason why. I watched an interview with him now, when he's supposedly healthier, still terribly cute (nipple rings and all--yum!), and he seemed sort of sad. And gay. He talked about when he was younger, everyone either wanted to beat him up or be his best friend.

So a little more research discovered there were gay rumors about him as well. And that in between songs during one concert, he'd said, "I'm not fucking gay." Such staunch declarations of heterosexuality are generally a staple of the closeted.

So I just felt really bad for him. Like, all day. And I'm also in love with him. So there.