Joy to the whirl

I know it sounds morbid to say, but if someone told me I'd die in a matter of months, I'd probably jump for joy. I mean, life is a wonderful and glorious thing--unquestionably. But when it's your time to go, it's your time. And plus, I'm as curious as anyone to know what actually happens when you die.

There are also many things I would not miss about life, a partial list of which I've included here:

• waking up in the morning
• vacuuming
• when my shoelaces become untied
• commercials
• commercials that advertise, "Results Not Typical"
• waiting in line
• having to go to the gym
• overhearing lame conversations
• calling a taxi that never shows up
• being asked for change on the street
• getting the wrong change
• sleep deprivation
• when things fall
• walking uphill
• regrets
• accidentally biting my tongue while chewing
• cleaning the toilet
• flossing
• making polite conversation
• loud noises
• unappealing people
• joint pains
• all pain
• bad music
• that uncomfortable feeling underneath the skin of my nails after I clip my nails
• taking out the trash
• the way seats in movie theatres are too fucking close to one another
• the way seats on an airplane are too fucking close to one another
• the phrase, "you guys" (although I would miss using it mockingly)
• insects
• people who stare
• pushing a door open when it's meant to be pulled
• pulling a door open when it's meant to be pushed
• the sun when it's too hot
• wind
• people who are happy and inebriated when I am not
• tipping
• junk emails
• nosebleeds
• having to refill the stapler
• sweating
• skinny jeans
• Elaine Paige
• bad grammar

Well, my goodness, I could go on forever. But you get my point, right?