Won't you please now stand and give a hand...

...to the Nefarious Forces That Keep Me From Getting a Good Night's Sleep:

1. The Evil Dreams: Last night, for example, I was being chased by this ragged gang of homeless freaks, and was leaping from roof to roof of these dingy downtown warehouses trying to escape. Nice.

2. The Fucking Queen Across the Way: This dude should be in the theatre for his ability to project and parlay the most insipid of gossip at 8:00 am every morning. It feels like he is actually in my room when he starts going at it. The kicker is that he once bitched to J Co about the ambient blue aquarium night light I keep on in the kitchen, calling it a "strange blue light" that kept him up. I've since put a black backing on it, but am tempted to tear it the fuck off and light up the night. Bastard.

3. The Things that Go Bump in the Night: I suppose it's just the inevitable fate of someone who lives in an old school SF apartment building, but what may to some be someone just closing a door hard is like a hammer to the head when you're trying to eek out those last few bits of sleep in the morning. Sheesh.

4. Sugar, the Kitty Cat: The most forgivable culprit only gets a free pass because she's cute. And because she poops. In my room sometimes. So the moment she meows at 5:00 am, I'm up and opening the door. Even though it's more often than not just because she's bored and wants attention. Rat cat.