Gym gin

I'm one of those people who's a little neurotic about how I smell at the gym. I don't go so far as to take a shower before I go to the gym, douse myself in Axe Body Spray, and lather my arm pits in deodorant, but I always wear a newly washed set of gym clothes and change into new briefs. I make sure they I don't eat anything with onions during the day so my breath doesn't smell as I'm huffing and puffing away at the elliptical, and I down four or five mints before I go and gulp down some water so the mintiness is coated down my throat. I spray my face with some Vitamin C Re-energizing facial spritz, cross my fingers, and head on over to the gym.

When I am on the mats stretching next to someone, and they get up to leave, I wonder if it's because I smell bad. Or when I get one of the bicycling machines and the person next to me gets up to go a minute later, I wonder if my breath smells something ungodly.

I have to say, true to form, it's the women who manage to smell the best. They all cover themselves with body cream and forget-me-nots, and are sure not to bear a bad odor, no sir. But I do not want to smell of apricot or berries, so I will not be doing the same anytime soon.

I just go, work my shiz, and get my farty self out of there at my earliest convenience.