With the forced change of my title at work, joined by the fact that I only got a satisfactory rating on my performance evaluation and the new girl was hired at a salary almost the same as my own, I've had a few realizations:
1) Since I'm not the boss anymore, that means I'm not ultimately accountable for my whole unit. In a sense, I make out alright since I'm still at the same pay, with less overall responsibility. Granted, I've been assigned more clients with this change, but if the shiz hits the fan in any way, I just escalate away to my manager.
2) If I look purely at experience in the role, I technically only have three years more experience than New Girl. I don't think that should only account for a differential of 54 cents or whatever it is, but there will be a merit this year, and I'm hoping that will edge me up a bit more so it's not so offensive. Plus, I must remember, I'm thrilled with what I make. I never would have thought I would make this much money, so looking at it purely from that perspective, I can't complain.
So although there's this haze of depression that's sort of hovering over me, I take these facts into account.
Trying to rebound back into a slimmer figure has proven more of a challenge. I was getting dressed for church Sunday, and just couldn't stomach any of my shirts due to my protruding stomach, so I settled on brown pants and a black shirt. Easily the most inconspicuous and colorless I've dressed in ages.
So out I go, when I notice colorfully dressed gays, and then a girl with a rainbow flat in her backpack, and lo and behold, it was Pride. And there I was dressed like a fucking Quaker on my way to church. I had honestly thought it was next week, and had talked with Leia about possibly going as her work was going to have a float.
My sister posted a picture of a get together at her house with her quasi-estranged father's side of the family. I was surprised to see them all together. These were people who were a part of my life when my mom and stepdad were together. They even ran the local community theatre, and I had some lovely times working the lights and even starring in a few productions. I commented my joy at seeing them all together again, and even added them on Facebook, which they all accepted. Lovely thing.
Monday, June 25, 2018
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Morose Mondays, June 12, 2018 edition
I was looking through some old pictures on Facebook when, of course, I stumbled upon some from when Collette lived with me. It was a fun time, and we would have her friends over, who later became mine. And her brother visited us a few times as well, once for his birthday. There we are, doing shots in her room, and I look at the date it was taken: July 12, 2008.
I couldn't believe it. How in the hell was that ten years ago next month.
It gave me some degree of comfort to see that I hadn't aged much, potentially looked even better (though a bit chubbier now in the face due to over-partaking of cocktails recently). Gotta look at the friggin' bright side when I can here.
Saturday night, Raina and I went to see "The Empire Strips Back," a "Star Wars" burlesque parody. It was plenty entertaining, though I wish there had been more dudes and that I'd been a bit more soused to enjoy it. That qualifies as my one cultural event for the month, so good for me.
And now I need to find another one. I'd really like to get in that one a month event so that another ten years doesn't pass by, and I wonder where the hell it all went.
I couldn't believe it. How in the hell was that ten years ago next month.
It gave me some degree of comfort to see that I hadn't aged much, potentially looked even better (though a bit chubbier now in the face due to over-partaking of cocktails recently). Gotta look at the friggin' bright side when I can here.
Saturday night, Raina and I went to see "The Empire Strips Back," a "Star Wars" burlesque parody. It was plenty entertaining, though I wish there had been more dudes and that I'd been a bit more soused to enjoy it. That qualifies as my one cultural event for the month, so good for me.
And now I need to find another one. I'd really like to get in that one a month event so that another ten years doesn't pass by, and I wonder where the hell it all went.
Friday, May 25, 2018
Oh, what a whirl, what a whirl
My stature at work seems to continue to diminish as my new boss, who is lovely in many ways, has decided to laterally reclassify my position from a supervisor to a lead. No change in pay, but it's a more accurate reflection of what I do since my power as a people manager has been usurped out from under me. In addition, I'm getting more client departments, which I had shed upon taking the supervisor role so I could focus on the strategic/advisory part of my job.
To add to this, she also hired a new analyst who's a friend of hers and fourteen years my junior with just four years of experience, and is paying her almost exactly what I make, and more than the other two more seasoned analysts. This only slightly makes sense when you look at market for our positions and the fact that we have a merit program forthcoming, but I also got myself just a satisfactory performance rating instead of a more than satisfactory rating, so I'm not looking at anything generous in terms of a raise.
I try to just remain grateful for the fact that I'm still well paid, and at the halfway point of my professional career. My VP just doesn't see me as a people manager, so even when my boss retires, my chances are slim to none of being promoted. So we'll just coast along at the current pace. At the risk of being snarky, I guess I'm just there for a paycheck!
I need to get back in the game with working out. And this includes stopping the sauce intake on weekdays, which I had been so good about for so long, but after a handful of events that lent themselves to it, I partook on a Monday or Thursday--at it shows. I miss that period in my early thirties where I maintained the diet I always had and just ground myself to the bone with cardio, and lost weight. Now that just ends up grounding me into the ground with exhaustion, so I have to follow the eighty/twenty rule of what accounts for your weight is eighty percent what you eat, not your exercise routine.
If there's something that would lend itself to slimming down, it's my old boss's wedding in Alaska two and a half months from now. It's apparently going to be relatively small. Seems like a lot of people are unable or unwilling to make the trek, which makes me kind of sad for her. But she's thrilled I'm coming, and I wouldn't miss the chance to see the happily ever after for someone who was so good to me.
Tifferbee and I are seeing "The Empire Strips Back," a "Star Wars" burlesque parody in two weeks. Should be fun, and it'll be the first time I've been to the Warfield. I told myself some time back that I would try to do at least one adventurous/cultural thing a month, so gotta get back on track with that, too.
For now, I'm having one last hurrah for May with a four-day Memorial Day weekend, starting off with a viewing of "The Avengers: Infinity War" followed by a deep dive into a cocktail glass as per my wont.
To add to this, she also hired a new analyst who's a friend of hers and fourteen years my junior with just four years of experience, and is paying her almost exactly what I make, and more than the other two more seasoned analysts. This only slightly makes sense when you look at market for our positions and the fact that we have a merit program forthcoming, but I also got myself just a satisfactory performance rating instead of a more than satisfactory rating, so I'm not looking at anything generous in terms of a raise.
I try to just remain grateful for the fact that I'm still well paid, and at the halfway point of my professional career. My VP just doesn't see me as a people manager, so even when my boss retires, my chances are slim to none of being promoted. So we'll just coast along at the current pace. At the risk of being snarky, I guess I'm just there for a paycheck!
I need to get back in the game with working out. And this includes stopping the sauce intake on weekdays, which I had been so good about for so long, but after a handful of events that lent themselves to it, I partook on a Monday or Thursday--at it shows. I miss that period in my early thirties where I maintained the diet I always had and just ground myself to the bone with cardio, and lost weight. Now that just ends up grounding me into the ground with exhaustion, so I have to follow the eighty/twenty rule of what accounts for your weight is eighty percent what you eat, not your exercise routine.
If there's something that would lend itself to slimming down, it's my old boss's wedding in Alaska two and a half months from now. It's apparently going to be relatively small. Seems like a lot of people are unable or unwilling to make the trek, which makes me kind of sad for her. But she's thrilled I'm coming, and I wouldn't miss the chance to see the happily ever after for someone who was so good to me.
Tifferbee and I are seeing "The Empire Strips Back," a "Star Wars" burlesque parody in two weeks. Should be fun, and it'll be the first time I've been to the Warfield. I told myself some time back that I would try to do at least one adventurous/cultural thing a month, so gotta get back on track with that, too.
For now, I'm having one last hurrah for May with a four-day Memorial Day weekend, starting off with a viewing of "The Avengers: Infinity War" followed by a deep dive into a cocktail glass as per my wont.
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Relax, do do it
The past couple of weeks have been incredibly--almost dangerously--chill. Although we were amping up for a major initiative at work, my part of it was in check, and my regular workload was completely manageable.
"So why haven't you been offering to help out your co-workers, you lazy bastard?!?" I did, and have basically been covering for one of my analysts for the past week and a half.
With the relaxed work environment, I've been working from home about a day a week the last three weeks. Unfortunately, the day at home turns into cocktail time, which is supposed to be forbidden during the week. But Rachelle and her husband were in town mid-April, so I had to take them to Osha and Top of the Mark, and then it was like, "Well, if I already drank on Monday..."
The aforementioned major initiative resulted in us having to work twelve, sixteen, nearly twenty four hour days in some cases. The weekend before it, I had already skipped church because I desperately needed to sleep in, and then skipped it again this past weekend, so I haven't had that feeling of being spiritually refreshed in awhile. I watched a video from Nathan Wheeler, the guy who's near death experience convinced me to become a Christian, and he talked again about the importance of reading the Bible, and said we should do so everyday. So I'm trying to get back on track with that as well.
I also did not work out at all last week due to that initiative. I had intended to go today, but after taking a nap after work, I just didn't have it in me. I did work out at home, but I can feel the flab gathering in places unmentionable, so I have to snap back into shape with that shit, too. I had also been intending to increase my weights by another five pounds, but since I have to reignite my efforts after slacking off for a week, that probably won't be for awhile. Argh!
The thing is, I deserve some chill time. Granted, it'd be better spent not just drinking and playing video games, but I am not inclined to grind myself to the bone. It's been a year now since my former boss retired, and I know I wouldn't have this relaxed of a work environment if she was still here, love her though I do. And since I didn't get promoted into the manager role, I'm just rollin' with it as time goes on.
"So why haven't you been offering to help out your co-workers, you lazy bastard?!?" I did, and have basically been covering for one of my analysts for the past week and a half.
With the relaxed work environment, I've been working from home about a day a week the last three weeks. Unfortunately, the day at home turns into cocktail time, which is supposed to be forbidden during the week. But Rachelle and her husband were in town mid-April, so I had to take them to Osha and Top of the Mark, and then it was like, "Well, if I already drank on Monday..."
The aforementioned major initiative resulted in us having to work twelve, sixteen, nearly twenty four hour days in some cases. The weekend before it, I had already skipped church because I desperately needed to sleep in, and then skipped it again this past weekend, so I haven't had that feeling of being spiritually refreshed in awhile. I watched a video from Nathan Wheeler, the guy who's near death experience convinced me to become a Christian, and he talked again about the importance of reading the Bible, and said we should do so everyday. So I'm trying to get back on track with that as well.
I also did not work out at all last week due to that initiative. I had intended to go today, but after taking a nap after work, I just didn't have it in me. I did work out at home, but I can feel the flab gathering in places unmentionable, so I have to snap back into shape with that shit, too. I had also been intending to increase my weights by another five pounds, but since I have to reignite my efforts after slacking off for a week, that probably won't be for awhile. Argh!
The thing is, I deserve some chill time. Granted, it'd be better spent not just drinking and playing video games, but I am not inclined to grind myself to the bone. It's been a year now since my former boss retired, and I know I wouldn't have this relaxed of a work environment if she was still here, love her though I do. And since I didn't get promoted into the manager role, I'm just rollin' with it as time goes on.
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Sigh times
I entered into the holy Easter weekend with the best of intentions: traveled up to Noe Valley for a scenic power walk, went to church, vacuumed the apartment, and meal prepped for the week. Then Colette came over Sunday and muffed everything up. Luckily, I'm recovered--remarkably well so, in fact. Those Perricone super greens powder drinks and multi-vitamins really are amazing. But it's not exaaaactly how I'd intended to spend my first actual Easter as a practicing Christian.
If there was something good that could have come out of this, it was that I had to call in sick Tuesday, and I used that whole day to sleep. And sleep. And sleep. It must be a combination of heavy cardio at the gym and age, but I must truly have been underslept because I really felt so much more rested and refreshed when I went back to work.
A week or so ago, my old boss texted me to say she and her partner are getting married. Hooray! It means a trip up to Alaska for the wedding. I'd been desperately trying to travel somewhere for some sort of vaycay that wasn't just Christmas, so I guess this'll be it. It's in August. I'm still keeping Santorini in my back pocket and planning for Reno at some point, but I do need to keep finances sane in prep for the trip to England next year.
I also got a FB message from half-sister Laura informing me she was pregnant. She had also told me this several years back, but nothing ever seemed to have came of it. I assume she may have lost it. I'm always a bit worried about her. Her husband has been abusive, and she has the look of someone who if functionally anorexic. She had always told me that if she ever did have a child, she would ask me to be the godfather. It's quite a commitment, but I'd be up to it since I do love her, and the rest of her family seems to have abandoned her. It would also entail a trip to visit her and the new baby sooner as opposed to later.
If there was something good that could have come out of this, it was that I had to call in sick Tuesday, and I used that whole day to sleep. And sleep. And sleep. It must be a combination of heavy cardio at the gym and age, but I must truly have been underslept because I really felt so much more rested and refreshed when I went back to work.
A week or so ago, my old boss texted me to say she and her partner are getting married. Hooray! It means a trip up to Alaska for the wedding. I'd been desperately trying to travel somewhere for some sort of vaycay that wasn't just Christmas, so I guess this'll be it. It's in August. I'm still keeping Santorini in my back pocket and planning for Reno at some point, but I do need to keep finances sane in prep for the trip to England next year.
I also got a FB message from half-sister Laura informing me she was pregnant. She had also told me this several years back, but nothing ever seemed to have came of it. I assume she may have lost it. I'm always a bit worried about her. Her husband has been abusive, and she has the look of someone who if functionally anorexic. She had always told me that if she ever did have a child, she would ask me to be the godfather. It's quite a commitment, but I'd be up to it since I do love her, and the rest of her family seems to have abandoned her. It would also entail a trip to visit her and the new baby sooner as opposed to later.
Monday, March 5, 2018
Morose Mondays, March 5 Edition
I'm titling these little blogs I make on Mondays thusly because they're the first day back from work after what is usually a delightfully inebriated whirl of a weekend, and by the time night falls, my mindset has gone from one of crickety malaise to maudlin melancholy.
Do you realize we are nearly through the 2010s? There was a lifetime packed into my '90s. All of high school and college, every year of which--every semester of which--felt like a novel in a series. And my 2000s were packed with plenty of intrigue as well.
I was almost going to add, "At least until about 2008," which was when I got my first big promotion, and started (sort of) living on Easy Street, but even then, I had my little dalliance with Gideon in 2009, now nearly ten years ago.
Yes, I've changed, but in that almost imperceptible way that only I might notice, or someone who hadn't seem me in over a decade might notice. Certainly the Christian thing is new, and still surprising to some people when I happen to mention going to church. It still surprises me at times.
It's just amazing to think that another decade will have passed by after the end of next year. And I'm not entirely sure how to characterize my 2010s.
A lady in my church group mentioned a quote that was something to the effect of, "Life is lived forward, but understood backwards." That for sure as shiz is true. Morose Mondays, March 5 Edition
Do you realize we are nearly through the 2010s? There was a lifetime packed into my '90s. All of high school and college, every year of which--every semester of which--felt like a novel in a series. And my 2000s were packed with plenty of intrigue as well.
I was almost going to add, "At least until about 2008," which was when I got my first big promotion, and started (sort of) living on Easy Street, but even then, I had my little dalliance with Gideon in 2009, now nearly ten years ago.
Yes, I've changed, but in that almost imperceptible way that only I might notice, or someone who hadn't seem me in over a decade might notice. Certainly the Christian thing is new, and still surprising to some people when I happen to mention going to church. It still surprises me at times.
It's just amazing to think that another decade will have passed by after the end of next year. And I'm not entirely sure how to characterize my 2010s.
A lady in my church group mentioned a quote that was something to the effect of, "Life is lived forward, but understood backwards." That for sure as shiz is true. Morose Mondays, March 5 Edition
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
If you wanna boogie
David Harness was spinning at the End Up Sunday night for a new party called Boogie, and my black ass actually got out of the house and went. I don't know if I actually caught him spinning, but it was the funky house of the sort I like, and what appeared to be a mostly straight, househead type crowd, which I can get down with. One of the bartenders was a former longtime barback I recognized. Absent was the bald lesbian who I always tipped well and who always tended to me. I didn't stay very long, but long enough to have some fun.
And as always seems to be the case when I go out clubbing, my chubbiness appeared to dissipate slightly the next day due to the aerobic activity. Nice.
I've been trying to get Leah to take a trip to NYC with me, and she was going to bring along one of her friends. That was over a week ago, and I've not heard back. I'm just desperate for a vaycay, and my tax refund will cover most of it
I had to skip my church group this evening because today was my Monday after a lovely four-day weekend. Much as I'd hoped to get out of the house, I only got as far as taking a shower on Monday, and then coating myself in my PJs to play video games. Speaking of, I'd intended to give up video games for lent, but the bloomin' thing came up on me before I knew it. Much like I'd intended to try for Cocktail-free February again this year, and that was bust. But I have been participating in the forty days of prayer my church is promoting, with a new prayer texted to us every morning. A nice way to start the day.
Tally ho!
And as always seems to be the case when I go out clubbing, my chubbiness appeared to dissipate slightly the next day due to the aerobic activity. Nice.
I've been trying to get Leah to take a trip to NYC with me, and she was going to bring along one of her friends. That was over a week ago, and I've not heard back. I'm just desperate for a vaycay, and my tax refund will cover most of it
I had to skip my church group this evening because today was my Monday after a lovely four-day weekend. Much as I'd hoped to get out of the house, I only got as far as taking a shower on Monday, and then coating myself in my PJs to play video games. Speaking of, I'd intended to give up video games for lent, but the bloomin' thing came up on me before I knew it. Much like I'd intended to try for Cocktail-free February again this year, and that was bust. But I have been participating in the forty days of prayer my church is promoting, with a new prayer texted to us every morning. A nice way to start the day.
Tally ho!
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